Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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