So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
