she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
