We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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