it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize