Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
