this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
