Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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