Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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