Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
