it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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