He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
