what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
