Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
