so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this is an emotional support booty call
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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