When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
