im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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