this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
