life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
