theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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