I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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