Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
