When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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