is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize