My room smells like vodka and shame
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
