I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
