had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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