So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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