I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
