its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
