but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
