So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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