i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
