ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
