I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
