Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
