and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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