we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I look excited, but its just a facade.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
