The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
