bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
