he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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