Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
