come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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