dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
