Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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