the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
