no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
