i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
