Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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