I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
