it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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