I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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