Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
