is your mom at the bar?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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