Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
