I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
