I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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