Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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