3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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