So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
