Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
