i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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