During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
