Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
