Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize