It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
