In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
