I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
