Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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