it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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