I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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