"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
