Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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