I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
