I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
