Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
