Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
