So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
