I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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