I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
