Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
