your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
