The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
