another moral hangover. fuck.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
