i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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