You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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