When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
