I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
