After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
