it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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