dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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