Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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