he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
