Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
