I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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