I think I am morally bankrupt
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you never un-have a 4some
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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