She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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