Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
