Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3pm strippers are depressing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
