I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
