windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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