Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
