I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
